A Rant

While I’m sure you’re all dying to know what is up with Paul and I, I’m not quite ready to share it with you. Sharing would mean that I’d have to handle being able to write it all down for you, which I’m not really ready to do either. Because I can’t really bring myself to deal with it all just yet. But fret not! I have other things we can chat about.

As you may or may not know, I live with one roommate and our two cats in a very comfortable apartment in a very nice (and a bit expensive, I might add!) area in Somerville, MA. I moved out of the neighborhood for a year, but once my lease was up i came bounding back.  I like it here. A lot of my work colleagues and many other friends live within about a mile of me. I have always felt safe and secure and very happy here in Somerville, until about 4 months ago.

A little back story: Especially in the summer, I tend go out drinking after work and stumble home alone a little drunk all the time. I’ve always known it wasn’t the best idea, but I felt so safe in my community that drunk-Liz wouldn’t think anything of it. In the morning sober-Liz would say, “man, that was dumb.” But a few nights later, I’d go out and do the very same thing, and I never had any reason to stop. It was only a poor choice for girls who live in unsafe, sketchy areas. Until now.

Over the summer, an email went flying around our community about an incident where a girl about my age got attacked walking home one night. It happened late at night (after 11pm), and at an intersection not far from my building.  In fact, it was an intersection that I walk through on my way home from work on a daily basis.  About 2 months later, another email depicting a very similar incident (with a different description of the perpetrator) went around again. The first incident started me thinking, but that second one terrified me.

All of a sudden, I’m scared to walk around alone in my own community.  I no longer listen to my iPod while walking, and sometimes I’ll even carry my keys in between my fingers like they taught us in middle school. On especially late nights, I find myself taking a $5 taxi the 1/2 mile walk from the subway station to my front door.

While I understand that these are all good precautionary things that I should always be doing, threat or not, it really BOTHERS me that I have to be concerned at all.  It bothers me that as a single girl I’m always going places alone, and therefore am considered an easy target. It bothers me that although I am quite strong and athletic, I probably couldn’t fight off most men, nor could I outrun them. It bothers me that because I’m a woman I have to constantly be prepared to run away.

Most of all I’m annoyed that these men have so quickly and easily been able to terrify me.  They’ve turned my wonderful happy neighborhood into a scary place. I am aware that the odds of actually being attacked are slim to none, but the thought has been planted in my mind, and so there it stays. Plus, it’s a known fact that I watch way to much SVU.

What makes matters worse is that now it’s winter. The sun goes down before I even leave my desk for the day, so I’m always walking some place alone in the dark. Even at 6pm, I’m constantly checking over my shoulder and clutching my keys in my purse or pocket.

It’s exhausting.

 

 

Advertisement